Russell Brand Speaks Out Again

Taken from Russell Brand's blog for the Guardian

If Jose Mourinho is found to have brought his dog into the country without observing the correct procedure, perhaps John Terry should be made to play all Chelsea's away games wearing women's knickers and whenever Frank Lampard takes a corner he should have to breast-feed the opposition's fans.

I imagine the issue will be discussed rationally on the consistently excellent Soccer AM this morning, in my humble view the best football programming available, which I deeply miss while in Hawaii. That looks stupid written down but it's true - you can only marvel at turtles for so long. It never patronises its viewers and it's honest, bright and in tune with the people it caters for.

I was on it once and embarrassed myself a bit by falling over during a headstand, which was another occasion on which I insisted the universe was conspiring against me. This will doubtless be eclipsed on today's show as I understand Noel Gallagher, who has recently come out to me as bisexual, is guesting and will probably spend the entire show evading questions on the FA Cup final, preferring instead to lunge across the delightful Helen Chamberlain and fondle the thighs of dear Tim Lovejoy, which will make for fine viewing and be further evidence that worldly affairs are being maliciously directed by loonies on Olympus."

Noel is on Soccer AM on Sky Sports 1 at 09:00AM this morning (UK Only).

Source: www.guardian.co.uk