The former Oasis star panicked after realising he had left his mobile in a taxi after Wednesday’s BRIT Awards.
And its contents could land him in trouble.
Arriving at the Sony after party, Noel said: “I’ve lost my f****ing phone, I have tried calling it and it’s actually gone. I have no idea where it is!
“I better find it because of all the f****ing porn on it, don’t want that to get out and splashed everywhere. I can’t have that out, it will ruin my image of being an innocent, wholesome pop star.”
Noel innocent? Ha!
The rocker then made a not-too-subtle reference to the recent expose of David Beckham’s emails, revealing his desperation to become a Sir.
Noel quipped: “I can kiss goodbye to my knighthood, that won’t happen after someone picks up my phone.”
Becks obviously has Noel’s full support as later he partied with his eldest son Brooklyn, left, who is nursing a broken collarbone.
Still on the lemonade – well he is 17 – Brooklyn is close pals with his daughter Anais but Noel keeps an eye on him.
Noel also partied with Simon Cowell, who once offered him £2million to become a judge on The X Factor.
Things could have been awkward when the guitarist bumped into Ed Sheeran at the Warner party later, after criticising his brand of “polished pop”.
But, instead, the duo shared a Ciroc Vodka together.
After all Anais is a fan of Ed too!